Enough...

There are days when your body simply says, “Enough,” even though your mind keeps telling you, “Just one more thing… just one more thing… I’ll help someone else, too.” Today is one of those days for me. I have been living with fibromyalgia and sarcoidosis for many years, actually since I was very young. Living with this combination of chronic conditions has taught me a lot about humility and about listening to my body. Especially because I am, by nature, a worrier. I worry about everything and everyone around me. I tend to anticipate problems before they even happen, and I always try to be there whenever someone might need me. But sometimes, my body has simply had enough. Overwork, stress, constant worrying and not getting enough rest quietly build up until eventually my body puts on the brakes itself. Suddenly, the exhaustion is overwhelming. My muscles and joints start to hurt intensely. I feel as though I have suddenly come down with a terrible flu. Every movement reminds me that this time, I really do need to stop. And that is when I cancel my clients' appointments. Not because I don't want to work. Not because I am lazy or simply don't feel like it. I have just learned that sometimes I have to choose myself. I stay home. I slow down. I rest. I do something kind for myself. I allow myself a day without guilt. A little silence. A little nothing. Time simply to be with myself. Is it enough? Not always. I have a demanding job, and I know that my body would need much more than a day or two for a proper reset. Sometimes I dream about being able to switch off my phone, close the door, go away somewhere for a few weeks and not think about work, bills, responsibilities or all the things that still need to be done. I suppose I would have to win the lottery to afford a complete reset. But you know what? We have to keep dreaming. Because who knows?bMaybe one day. Until then, I am learning to take small pauses. A few hours. A day. Sometimes a weekend. I am learning to listen to my body before it starts screaming. And that is exactly what I would like to wish for all of you, too. Don't wait until your body forces you to rest. You don't need a diagnosis, a chronic illness or complete exhaustion to have the right to say: “Today, I choose myself.” Do something kind for yourself sometimes. Turn off your phone. Cancel something that can wait. Drink your coffee slowly. Read a book. Listen to music. Go for a walk - or simply stay in bed if that is what you need. And most importantly, don't feel guilty about it. Rest is not laziness. Stopping is not weakness. And taking care of yourself doesn't mean you stop caring about others. Sometimes we need to stop precisely so that, later, we can give the best of ourselves again. Today, I am slowing down. Today, I am choosing myself a little more. And I hope you find even a small moment today that belongs only to you. Take care of yourselves. Really. ❤️

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For a long time...

For a long time, I thought that happiness would come when everything in my life turned out exactly as I had dreamed. I waited for the right moment, the right time, the perfect place. Until one day I understood that life does not promise us perfect moments. Instead, it gives us new possibilities. I remember the day I set out on a journey that I was initially very afraid of. I was leaving behind everything familiar - everyday life, people, places, and memories. It felt as though I was leaving a part of myself behind as well. I did not know then that sometimes we need to step away in order to truly see what matters to us. The first days were difficult. Unfamiliar streets, unfamiliar faces, and a silence that seemed too loud in the evenings. I missed the simple things: conversations around the table, a familiar voice, the smell of coffee in the morning. I missed my family. That was when I understood that home is not always an address. Home is where we feel closeness. Where we can be ourselves and do not have to prove anything. Sometimes it is in another person's arms, sometimes in a phone call from my mother, sometimes in a message from a friend, and sometimes - unexpectedly - we find it within ourselves. With time, I learned to slow down. To look at the world without rushing. To appreciate the little things. The morning light coming through the window. A walk with no destination. Laughter around the table. A simple “how was your day?” That was when I found peace. Not the kind of peace where there are no problems, but the kind where I know that even when something ends, it does not have to mean that everything is over. That after loss, a new beginning can come. After loneliness - closeness. After fear - courage. And after closed doors, new possibilities can appear. Today, I know that I do not need to have answers to every question. I do not need to know where my next journey will take me. It is enough to take the next step. If I could say something to others, I would say: do not be afraid of change. Do not hold on desperately to places, people, and situations simply because they are familiar. Sometimes life takes something away from us to make room for something we cannot yet imagine. Look for people with whom you feel closeness. Take care of your family, but remember that family can have many different faces. Build your home not only with bricks, but also with conversations, trust, warmth, and shared moments. And above all - do not postpone happiness until later. Because perhaps happiness is not waiting for us somewhere far away. Perhaps it is right here, in the moment when we stop running, take a deep breath, and for the first time in a long time, feel peace. That was the moment I felt that I had come home. Only this time, I carried that home within me.

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Between the Mountain and the Valley

Today, I think about life a little differently than I used to. I used to want everything to be even. Calm. Predictable. I wanted every difficult day to be followed by an easier one, and every tear by laughter. I wanted to know where I was going, why I was going there, and preferably know all the turns in advance. Today, I know that life is not a straight road. It is more like a staircase. Sometimes I climb quickly, almost effortlessly. I feel then that everything makes sense, that I am strong, that nothing can stop me. Other times, the stairs are high and steep, and each step seems bigger than the one before. That is when I learn patience. I learn to rest. I learn to ask for help. And sometimes there is a sudden descent. One I never saw coming. And although for a moment I feel as if I have lost everything, with time I begin to understand that not every fall means the end of the road. Sometimes it simply changes its direction. There are moments in life that I call lessons. Not because they were easy. Quite the opposite. Some of them cost me a great deal. Time, tears, disappointment, the loss of illusions. But they taught me things no book ever could. There are also experiences that were never meant to have any great meaning. They came, they happened, and they passed. There are stumbles. Mine. Someone else’s. Sometimes someone’s mistake becomes part of my life simply because I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I just happened to be there. And suddenly I find myself taking part in something I did not choose, did not start, and did not need at all. I used to spend a long time wondering why such things happened to me. Today, I no longer ask that question so often. Because over time I have understood that not everything that happens to me is meant to stay with me forever. Some things are simply fragments of the journey. And even if I did not choose a particular experience, I can choose what I do with it. I think that is one of the most important things life has taught me. I have no control over every turn. I cannot stop every descent. I cannot predict all the people who will appear on my path, and I cannot always protect myself from their mistakes. But I can decide whether I will remain on the ground afterward, or whether I will try to get back up. And that is where growth begins. Not when everything is going well. I grow when something hurts, and despite the pain, I learn how to keep going. When I lose something I desperately wanted and discover that I still have myself. When someone disappoints me, and I refuse to let their actions take away my faith in people. When I make my own mistake and, instead of punishing myself for it for the rest of my life, I try to understand what it was meant to teach me. Because life has its own colours. And perhaps that is exactly what makes it real. There are bright, light-filled days, full of laughter. Days when I laugh for no reason and feel that, for a moment, the world is exactly the way it should be. But there are also grey days. Quiet days. Heavy days. Days when the tears come on their own and I do not even try to stop them. I used to think that tears were a sign of weakness. Today, I know they are not. Sometimes tears are simply the way the body and the heart say, “That’s enough. Let me release this.” And then comes peace. Not always a great, overwhelming peace. Sometimes something very small. A cup of tea drunk in silence. Sunlight falling through a window. Someone’s smile. A piece of music that suddenly reminds me that life is still going on. And those moments of balance are the most precious to me now. Because once, I was always waiting for great happiness. Today, I know how to appreciate ordinary peace. The fact that nothing bad has happened. The fact that, for a few hours, I do not have to fight anything. The fact that I can simply be. Maybe that is what growing older really means - not that we stop experiencing mountains and valleys, but that we stop expecting life to be only one or the other. We begin to understand that each needs the other. I would not know what relief feels like if I had never known heaviness. I would not know what joy is if I had never known sadness. I would not appreciate silence if I had never experienced noise. I would not know how deeply I need peace if I had never had to fight for it. That is why, when I look back today, I no longer want to divide my life into good chapters and bad ones. They are simply mine. Each one left something behind. Some taught me courage. Others taught me humility. Still others taught me that sometimes it is necessary to walk away from what takes me away from myself. Some taught me how to forgive. And a few - most importantly - taught me how to forgive myself. And I think this is what I would like to say to anyone who is currently standing on a steep staircase or at the very bottom of a sudden descent: do not demand that you understand immediately why everything is happening. Not every lesson makes sense while it is unfolding. Sometimes the meaning comes later. After a month. After a year. Sometimes after many years. Do not be afraid to laugh. Do not be afraid to cry. Do not be ashamed of your stumbles. Do not curse every person who appeared on your path only to leave you with a difficult experience. Not everything needs to have a beautiful ending in order to have meaning. And above all, do not think that if you are in the valley today, you will remain there forever. The valley is not the final destination. Neither is the summit. Life is movement. Sometimes we climb. Sometimes we descend. Sometimes we stop for a moment just to catch our breath. And perhaps that moment of stillness is the most important one. Because then, somewhere between one stage and the next, we can look at ourselves more gently. Without resentment. Without rushing. With gratitude that, despite everything, we are still on our way. I am too. I am still learning. I still fall sometimes. I still laugh at completely ordinary things, and I still cry over the things that hurt the most. But now I know that both are part of me. And perhaps that is why I do not want a life without tears. I do not want a life without laughter either. I do not want only the highs. I do not want only peaceful days. I want a real life. With its stairs, its descents, its turns, and its moments when I can simply sit down and breathe. Because every one of those moments has its own colour. Each one leaves something inside me. And with every step I take, I become a little more myself.

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There Comes a Time

There comes a time in life when a person begins to long for silence more than ever before. Not because they have stopped liking people. Not because they have nothing left to say. Quite the opposite. Perhaps it is because, for years, they have spoken, listened, comforted, helped, rushed wherever someone needed them, and too often forgotten to ask themselves: what is it that I actually need? I am at that point in my life now. More and more, I feel that noise exhausts me. The literal kind, but even more so the kind that cannot be heard with the ears. The noise of rushing, nervousness, other people's expectations, endless messages, phone calls, things that need to be done, and problems that seem to demand an immediate solution. The chaos that not so long ago felt like an ordinary part of life now drains my energy. I need silence. I need the kind of wilderness where nothing has to be proved. The quiet rustling of trees as the wind moves through their branches. The song of birds that asks nothing in return. A gentle breeze against my face and soft rays of sunlight that do not ask whether I have time, but simply warm me. I need moments when nothing is happening. And I am beginning to understand more and more that it is precisely in those moments that so much is happening. Because when the world grows quiet, I can finally hear myself. My thoughts. My weariness. My needs. The things I had kept from finding their way to the surface for years because there was always something more important. Someone needed help. Someone was waiting for a conversation. Someone was going through a crisis. Someone needed me to be strong. And I was. Many times, even when I had no strength left. With time, I learned that you can spend a very long time being there for others while, at the same time, moving further and further away from yourself. You can spend your whole life rescuing others from their troubles, forgetting that sometimes you are the one who needs a hand reaching out to you. You can spend years seeking someone's attention, presence, acceptance and gratitude, until one day you realise that the attention you were missing most was your own. I no longer want to live that way. I do not want to fight for a place at the table, for someone's interest, for a response, for someone's presence. I do not want to convince anyone that I am worthy of their time, conversation or closeness. I do not want to burn myself out. I want to live more peacefully. More and more, I value people with whom silence feels natural rather than awkward. People with whom I can talk without anyone raising their voice. People around whom I can simply be myself without constantly having to explain who I am. I value kindness that is not a performance. Words that do not hurt simply because someone feels entitled to use them carelessly. I need conversations that leave a person feeling lighter, not heavier. I need relationships in which I do not have to constantly wonder where I stand. I need simplicity. And I know that to some people this may look like withdrawal. Like a change. Like distance. Perhaps, in some ways, it is. But it is distance from chaos, not from life. From rushing, not from people. From what takes away my peace, not from what brings me joy. Because today I understand more clearly than ever that peace is not emptiness. Peace is space. A space where, at last, you can breathe. A space where you do not have to be needed all the time. You do not have to fix everything. You do not have to answer immediately. You do not have to be everywhere and everything for everyone. You can simply be. And I think that is what I need most right now, to simply be. Without rushing. Without constantly running. Without feeling guilty for choosing myself. The world, unfortunately, seems to be shouting more and more. Advertisements shout. Screens shout. News, opinions, emotions and expectations shout. Everything wants our attention. Everything wants to be important. Everything seems urgent. And yet, not everything is important. And not everything has to be mine. Realising that has brought me an enormous sense of relief. I do not have to respond to every noise. Not every situation requires my involvement. I do not have to rescue everyone. I do not have to fight every battle. I do not have to prove to everyone that I have a good heart. Sometimes the greatest wisdom is to take one step further away from what exhausts us and one step closer to what brings us peace. That is why I increasingly choose the forest over the crowd. A walk over rushing. Silence over unnecessary words. One honest conversation over ten superficial ones. A few people I truly love over a crowd of acquaintances. And myself — instead of constantly trying to live up to other people's expectations. I do not know whether we grow into silence or whether, one day, we simply begin to understand its value. I only know that I used to be afraid of empty space. Today, I need it. Because it is within that space that I find my balance. And if you, too, have been feeling tired of the world lately, if the noise, rushing, nervousness and endless demands have become harder and harder to bear - perhaps there is nothing wrong with you. Perhaps your time for silence has simply come. Do not run from it. Sit beneath a tree sometimes. Listen to the wind. Notice the light moving slowly across a wall. Listen to your own breathing. And allow yourself, for a while, to fix nothing. To rescue no one. To achieve nothing. To prove nothing. Simply be. Because sometimes, only when we stop drowning out the world, can we hear the most important voice of all. Our own. And perhaps it has been waiting all along for us to finally listen.

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When you have lived...

When you have lived for years in a country where you were not born, one day you notice something strange. You are no longer “new”. You don’t know exactly when it happened. There was no particular morning when you woke up and thought, “This is where I belong.” It happens quietly. Layer by layer. Day by day. Suddenly, you breathe different air as naturally as if it had always belonged to you. You walk along streets that once felt unfamiliar. At first, you had to remember names, directions, shortcuts. Now you walk them without thinking. You know where to turn to avoid the crowds. You know where to sit with a coffee when you need some quiet. You recognise the traffic lights, the rhythm of the city, the smell of the bakery you pass on your way. And suddenly you realise that these roads are no longer new to you. They are simply yours. You look at people who do not speak your native language. You listen to their conversations and understand not only the words, but also the intentions, the jokes, the irony, the silence between the sentences. You begin to understand the way they greet each other, how they show affection, how they get angry, how they comfort one another. You are not one of them. And yet, somehow, you are. I think that is one of the most extraordinary things life in another country can give you. You can belong to a place without being one of its natives. You can feel at home while knowing that you will never speak, feel or exist exactly like those who were born there. Their childhood is written into different landscapes. Their memories carry different smells. Their first words, songs, celebrations, fears and moments of wonder happened somewhere else. You cannot make up for that. And you don’t have to. Because perhaps belonging is not about erasing the life you had before and becoming someone else. Perhaps it is about allowing a new place to add more chapters to your story. I don’t have to choose between where I come from and where I am now. I can carry several places within me at the same time. I can miss the smell of the streets of my childhood and still feel at peace when I return home here. I can carry in my heart the language in which I learned how to love and, at the same time, think in a language that came later. I can know two realities without feeling the need to reject either of them. With time, I stop asking myself, “Where am I really from?” Because the answer is no longer that simple. I am from there. I am from here. I am from all the places where I have left pieces of myself. And I am also from the places that helped me discover new pieces of who I am. Perhaps that is why I am less and less afraid of the thought that this place may not be the last place on earth where I settle. I used to think of home as a single address. Today I know that home can also be a state of mind. You can find it in a person, in the smell of morning coffee, in a familiar street, in the view outside your window. You can build it from everyday rituals, friendships, chance encounters and little things you barely notice until they become part of you. And then you can move on. Not because the previous place was not enough. Simply because human beings are travellers. Some people need deep roots and stillness. Others need space, change, new languages, new faces and streets they have never walked before. I think I belong to the second kind. I like being in motion. Change does not take my energy away. It gives me energy. A new place awakens my curiosity. A new culture opens new doors. New people remind me that the world is much bigger than our own habits and familiar routines. And perhaps that is where my freedom lies. I no longer need to prove that I belong somewhere. I can simply be. Be where I am. With respect for the place that welcomed me. With gratitude for the people I have met. With the memory of where I came from. And with curiosity about where I might go next. Because perhaps home is not a point we are meant to return to. Perhaps home is something we are capable of creating wherever life places our suitcase. And I have a feeling I will pack mine more than once again. Not because I am running away. But because I am curious. Because I want to discover. Because there is a quiet, positive energy inside me that tells me the world still has so many places, people and stories waiting for me. And I am not ready to say the final word to my life yet.

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The reflection

As time goes by, I believe more and more that life is not really about having the most of everything. It is not about having the biggest house, the most expensive things, perfect photographs, or a life that looks, from the outside, like the fulfilment of every expectation. The most precious thing we have is people. The people we can hold close. The people we can call when we are hurting. The people we can laugh with until we cry, and sit in silence with without feeling uncomfortable. The people who stay when life becomes difficult. And the people for whom we can be that person too. Because, in the end, it is closeness that stays in our memories the longest. We do not remember every day when we were busy. We do not remember every single thing we bought. What we remember is someone’s laughter, a kind word, a hand placed gently on our shoulder, a journey shared together, a conversation that lasted until late at night, an ordinary evening that somehow became one of the most beautiful moments of our lives. That is why I want to believe that doing good is always worth it. Even when no one sees it. It is worth being kind. Worth helping. Worth apologising. Worth forgiving. Worth leaving a little more goodness behind than we found. We never know how much one smile, one sentence, or one small gesture might mean to another person. Goodness does not always come back to us in the way we expect. Sometimes it returns years later. Sometimes it does not return to us at all. And yet, it is still worth giving, because the world becomes a little better every time we choose kindness instead of indifference. And there is one more thing. We should not keep putting our dreams off until later. We should not wait for the perfect moment, more money, more courage, fewer responsibilities, or a better time. Life never promises us that this “later” will come. If there is something we truly long for, we should try. If we want to write, then write. If we want to travel, start planning the first journey. If we want to dance, paint, sing, learn, create, change our work, or begin again, let us take that first step. We do not have to know exactly where the road will take us. It is enough to know that we want to walk it. Because perhaps, at the end of our lives, we will not regret that we did not have everything. Perhaps what we will regret most is everything we were too afraid to experience. That is why I want to love the people I have beside me. I want to do good. I want to fulfil my dreams. I want to travel, create, laugh, and find wonder in the little things. I want to live in such a way that, one day, when I look back, I will not think about what I was missing, but about how many beautiful moments I truly experienced. Because perhaps that is what a happy life is made of. The people we love. The goodness we give to others. And the dreams we had the courage to turn into reality.

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The end of summer

The end of summer sometimes comes while summer is still here. The sun can still pour its golden light across the sky, the evenings are still warm, and the trees have not yet had time to lose their leaves. And yet, somewhere beneath my skin, I can already feel a change. As if nature were quietly whispering to me, “Slow down.” I look at the trees and think that they know best how to accept change. They do not fight autumn. They do not try to hold on to their leaves at all costs. When the wind comes, they bow their heads. When the air grows colder, they allow themselves to rest. And I think this is what I am learning too. All summer, I have been running. After things to do, after plans, after one day after another that had to be used well. I wanted to be everywhere, do everything, not miss a single moment. But now, more and more often, I find myself stopping in the middle of it all. I sit with a cup of warm tea and look out the window. I listen to the silence, which seemed almost shy during the summer and now returns home with the longer evenings. Autumn always brings me a little nostalgia. Darker mornings. Colder air. The scent of wet leaves. Evenings that begin earlier. And that particular longing for something I cannot even name. But autumn also gives me something beautiful. It gives me a book held in my hands without hurry. It gives me a lamp switched on earlier than usual. It gives me silence. And it gives me my beloved writing. This is when I most often find the words that seemed to run away from me all summer. I write because it is easier for me to stop within words. And when I stop, I begin to hear myself. Maybe we do not need to be afraid of endings. Maybe the end of summer is not the end of something beautiful, but an invitation to a different kind of beauty. To slower steps. To fewer plans and more moments truly lived. To a walk without a destination. To a book that does not have to be finished quickly. To a conversation that does not need to end. To tea enjoyed in silence. To an evening that asks nothing of us. I want to run less. I want to simply be more. To be where I am. To look. To listen. To feel. To write. To breathe. And perhaps this is what I learned from the tree I once saw bending beneath the weight of the wind. Not every moment requires us to be strong. Sometimes the greatest strength is knowing how to bow our heads. Before autumn. Before change. Before the things we cannot hold back. And allowing ourselves to say, “It’s okay. I’m ready.” Because every season has its own light. Summer teaches us to bloom. Autumn teaches us to let go. Winter teaches us to rest. And spring teaches us to begin again. So when I feel summer slowly slipping away, I no longer want to hold it back. I want to thank it for the sunshine, for the movement, for all the long days. And then I want to quietly take a warm cup of tea into my hands, open a book, write a few sentences, and allow myself to be still. Because perhaps life is not about constantly running forward. Perhaps sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And return to ourselves. Before autumn truly knocks on the door, I want to already be there. At home within myself. Calmer. Closer to my own thoughts. With a heart that is not afraid of change. And with gratitude for every season that is still ahead of me.

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There was a time when I truly believed I could conquer any mountain

There was a time when I truly believed I could conquer any mountain. Not because I was stronger than others. I simply woke up every morning feeling that life lay ahead of me, and that I held a map in my hands on which I could chart my own path. I had plans, dreams, and that beautiful, if sometimes naive, certainty that if I wanted something badly enough, all it took was believing hard enough, working hard, and never looking back. But then another day would come, and suddenly that same mountain seemed unconquerable. I would wonder if my plans made sense, or if my dreams were merely a construct to help me tame the future. I questioned whether I was truly ready for what I so deeply desired. There were mornings when I felt brimming with strength, and evenings when even the simplest decisions seemed too difficult. For a long time, I thought these doubts meant I was failing. Today, I know they simply meant I was human. After all, life is made up of questions that don’t always have answers of uncertainties, changes, and situations we cannot foresee. Sometimes, a single conversation, a sentence spoken by the right person, or a completely unexpected message is enough to shake the very foundations of the world we’ve spent months or years building. Mine was shaken, too. For a moment, I looked at my life and no longer knew what was real and what was merely a figment of my imagination. What I had taken for granted turned out to be an illusion. People I trusted revealed different sides of themselves. Plans that had seemed all but certain suddenly fell apart. And the future, which I had previously been able to imagine down to the smallest detail, suddenly became a blank slate. I remember that what hurt the most back then wasn't what I had lost. It was having to admit to myself that I didn't have as much control over my life as I had thought. I tried to find the answer to the question: why? Why could someone disrupt my peace with a single move? Why could a person I had given a place in my world simply walk away, leaving a void behind? Why do dreams sometimes fall apart just when we are convinced we are close to realizing them? I never found a single answer. And I suppose I don't need one anymore. For I realized something more important. Not everything we lose was meant to last forever. Not everyone who enters our lives is meant to stay until the end. Not every plan has to come to fruition to have meaning. Sometimes a dream leads us to a place we never would have reached without it, even if it ultimately comes true in a completely different form. That is why I still dream. I still make plans. I still find myself believing I can move mountains. And when doubts catch up with me the next day, I no longer treat them like an enemy. I sit beside them and let them be. I know they can pass, just like many a storm I once was certain I wouldn't survive. I’ve also learned that it’s worth leaving a little room in life for surprises. For a change of direction. For people who arrive suddenly and leave just as quickly. For doors that close, even though we were convinced our happiness lay just beyond them. Because the truth is, we walk the rest of the journey primarily with ourselves. People may walk alongside us. They may love, support, inspire, or hurt us, or teach us something. They might stay for a year, ten years, or a lifetime. Yet, the most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves. That is why, today, my priority is to be friends with myself. I don’t always have to be strong. I don’t always have to know where I’m headed. I don’t need to have ready made answers or prove to the world that I have everything under control. It is enough that, when I fall, I don’t turn my back on myself; that when I doubt, I don’t tell myself I am weak; and that when something ends, I allow myself to grieve without letting that sorrow rob me of the belief that something good might still lie ahead. For life is not a straight line; it is a journey where sometimes the sun shines, sometimes it rains, and sometimes the next bend in the road remains hidden for a long time. Yet, I keep walkingwith doubts in my pocket and hope in my heart. I do not know which of my dreams will come true. I do not know who will stay by my side for the long haul. I do not know how many times I will have to start over. But I know one thing: I do not want to stop believing just because something once turned out to be an illusion. I do not want to stop loving life just because someone hurt me. I do not want to stop dreaming just because not every dream came true. Because perhaps that is what adulthood is all about not ceasing to believe, but learning to believe more wisely. And if I could say something to anyone currently experiencing their own moment of doubt, I would say: don’t write yourself off just because things didn’t go the way you planned. Don’t mistake the end of one story for the end of your whole life.

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Mature love

For a long time, I thought love arrived just when we needed it most that you had to search for it, keep an eye out for it, and sometimes settle for less, because loneliness can be painful. Today, I know that isn’t always the case. Sometimes, it pays to wait. I found my love later in life. Perhaps that is precisely why I can appreciate its significance so deeply today. It isn’t turbulent; it doesn’t rob me of my peace of mind or make me wonder every day if I am good enough or if someone truly wants to be by my side. It is completely different. When mature love arrived, I felt I could finally rest my head freely on someone’s shoulder. That was when I truly began to breathe fully. In it, I find peace of mind and the joy of living. There is honesty that doesn’t wound. There is tenderness that needs no grand words. There is depth that doesn’t need to be forced, for it emerges in ordinary moments. Above all, there is presence, real, everyday, and infinitely precious. Our endless conversations are one of the most beautiful parts of this relationship. We can talk about anything, things important and utterly trivial, dreams, fears, plans, the past, and the future. And when we run out of things to say, the mere awareness that we are together is enough. There is friendship between us. There is respect. There is understanding. And I believe these are the very things that build the greatest sense of security. Mature love doesn’t have to be a constant storm of emotions. It doesn’t have to resemble a movie romance. Sometimes, it is quiet, calm, and ordinary. It is simply asking, "How was your day?" It is a cup of tea served when you are tired. It is a smile that appears for no reason. It is a shoulder to lean on when life gets a little heavy. It is from such small things that something lasting is built. The foundation is not grand promises, but daily presence, conversation, respect, and the knowledge that you can be yourself without the fear of rejection. That is why, today, I would like to say something to those who are still waiting. Do not choose someone simply because the loneliness has started to hurt. Do not settle for a relationship where you feel even lonelier than when you were on your own. Do not try to force a random person into the space in your heart that is waiting for true intimacy. Loneliness can be hard, but being with the wrong person can be far harder. Sometimes, life takes time. Sometimes, we must first learn about ourselves our boundaries, our self-worth, and what we truly need so that we can later recognize the right person. I found my love late in life. But today, I know it wasn't too late. It came when I was able to truly see and appreciate it. When I understood that love should not take away your peace, but bring it. It shouldn't make you constantly question whether you are loved. It should let you feel it. And perhaps that is why it is sometimes worth waiting. For the person with whom you have nothing to prove. For conversations that never end. For a friendship that blossoms into love. For honesty, tenderness, respect, and presence. For someone with whom you can simply rest your head on their shoulder and think: "I’m finally in a good place." Because not every love that comes quickly is the right one. And the right one even if it arrives late can turn out to be the most beautiful peace we’ve waited for all our lives.

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The past...

The past no longer rules me. For a long time, it seemed to me that it would always hold sway over me that a single memory, a chance scent, or a melody heard in a shop would be enough to bring it all flooding back: that time, those words, that door slamming shut behind me. For years, I carried it inside me like a stone heavy, cold, and tethered to my heart by an invisible rope. I would wake up in the morning and, before even opening my eyes, know it was there. Sometimes I thought that if I could turn back time, I would do everything differently. I wouldn’t say those things. I wouldn’t trust that person. I wouldn’t stay. Or, conversely, I would stay longer, fight harder, and speak up more loudly about the pain. Today, I know none of that matters. I cannot go back to any of those days. I can, however, stop revisiting them every day. One morning, I stood by the window and saw a tree growing across the street. It was old, gnarled, and scarred by broken branches. Just weeks earlier, it had looked dead; long, dry boughs jutted toward the gray sky, and I used to gaze at them with a strange sense of pity. That day, I spotted a small green leaf on one of the branches. Just one. Barely visible. Yet, there it was. The next day, I found a second. Then a third. Soon, the entire tree began to turn green. Not suddenly. Not spectacularly. Leaf by leaf. And then I thought: perhaps it is the same with me. Maybe I don’t have to become someone new right away. I don’t have to prove to the world that I’m strong. I don’t have to forget. It’s enough to let myself be reborn slowly. Leaf by leaf. Day by day. After a long drought. So, I started making room for the new. First, I threw out things I’d kept in a drawer for years. Keepsakes, tickets, old cards, photos I couldn’t bear to look at yet couldn’t bring myself to discard. Every object had a story. Every one meant something. For a moment, I stood over the box and felt a familiar pang. Then I said quietly, "This isn't my life anymore." And I threw out the first item. Then another. I didn’t cry. That surprised me. I had thought closing the door on the past would look different that it would be a grand finale, a dramatic farewell, a final conversation that would bring relief. Instead, it was quiet. Almost ordinary. Like opening a window after a storm. I realized then that closure doesn’t always mean answers. Sometimes, it means accepting that there will never be any answers. Not everything can be fixed. Not every wound can be erased. Not everyone we’ve loved deserves to be carried within us forever. And not every story needs a happy ending for us to start writing the next one. The hardest part, however, was forgiveness. Not of someone else. Of myself. Forgiving myself for not noticing sooner. For letting my boundaries be crossed. For staying silent when I should have spoken up. For going back to places I should have walked away from. To think I believed for so long that it was all my fault. I sat on the floor of an empty room back then and, for the first time, said something to myself that I hadn't been able to say before: "You did the best you could at the time." Those words hurt. But they were true. "You didn't know then what you know now." Tears fell on their own. "And you don't have to punish yourself for it anymore." I felt something break inside me. Not out of fear. Out of relief. From that moment on, I began to see myself differently. Not as a woman who had lost a few important battles, but as someone who had survived her own winter. Like a tree. A tree isn't ashamed of its withered branches. It doesn't pretend the drought never came. It doesn't try to bring back the old leaves. It simply puts out new ones when the time is right. It lifts its boughs toward the sun. It catches the first rays. And it grows. I began to grow, too. Not for anyone else. Not to prove anything to anyone. For myself. The past still knocks at my door sometimes. Occasionally, I hear old words in my head or wake up with a heart full of something I can't name. But I don't open the door anymore. I let it stand outside. I don't have to fight it. I don't have to hate it. I don't even have to pretend it never happened. I simply know that I no longer live in that house. That is enough. Today, I stand by the window and look at the tree. It is completely green. The sun moves across the leaves, and the wind stirs them gently, as if whispering something meant only for them. I touch the windowpane with my hand. And I smile. Because I know now that it is possible to survive a drought and still bloom. You can lose a part of yourself and find another. You can walk away without seeking revenge. You can close the door without slamming it. You can cast the past aside without regret. And you can forgive - above all, yourself. I look at the sun, and for the first time in a long while, I don’t ask what tomorrow will bring. I simply stand there. I breathe. I am. And the past? It is behind me. And this time, it truly no longer rules my life.

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Agnes
4 months ago

Dear Reader,

Thank you for your thoughtful and beautifully written reflection.

I am deeply touched by the time, care, and attention you devoted to reading my work and sharing your impressions. What moved me most was not only your kind words, but the sensitivity with which you looked beyond the visible and listened to the quieter messages hidden between the lines.

As you rightly noted, we have never met. Yet one of the most beautiful aspects of writing is its ability to create connections between people who may never cross paths in person. Through words, we share thoughts, emotions, questions, and moments of reflection that remind us we are not alone in our experiences.

Your interpretation of my journey, my values, and the spirit behind The Beautiful Soul is both generous and humbling. While no description can ever fully capture a person, I feel honoured that my writing has inspired such a sincere response.

Thank you for seeing the beauty in stillness, for recognising the importance of meaningful conversation, and for understanding the intention behind my work: to create a space where people can pause, reflect, and reconnect with themselves.

Your words will stay with me for a long time.

With heartfelt gratitude,

Agnes Prokop

The Beautiful Soul

Jerry Lee
4 months ago

Who Is Agnes Prokop?

A woman I have never met.

Yet I read her words, I listen to her voice, and through them I sense a quiet familiarity that is difficult to explain.

And so, I would like to share what I think.

Act I – Awakening to Silence

From the World of Media to Introspection

The most significant foundation of Agnes Prokop's present artistic identity is her conscious departure from mass culture.

Although her professional background between the 1990s and 2010s was connected with the structures of Polish Radio and Polish Television, she deliberately exchanged the noise, urgency, and glare of the spotlight for silence, tranquillity, and mindful awareness.

Rather than creating content for a vast and anonymous audience, she chose an intimate conversation.

Her work now emerges from the quiet landscapes of Northern Ireland and gently invites the reader to slow down, to breathe more deeply, and to rediscover the value of stillness in a world that rarely pauses.

Act II – The Concept of the "Beautiful Soul"

As an Artistic Compass

At the heart of Agnes Prokop's writing lies a profound humanism.

The phrase Beautiful Soul is not merely a memorable expression; it is the philosophy that guides her creative work.

Her attention is drawn to the inner light within every person, to emotional maturity, and to the challenge of navigating loneliness with dignity and grace.

She celebrates the small moments of everyday life — a morning coffee, a walk in nature, a fleeting reflection — elevating them into experiences that feel almost spiritual in their significance.

Her writing often takes the form of an intimate diary, a reflective essay, or prose infused with poetic sensibility, where every reader is welcomed not as a distant observer, but as a trusted friend on the other side of the screen.

Act III – The Written Word for the Stage

The Theatre of Emotion and Dialogue

At her core, Agnes Prokop is a screenwriter and playwright.

Her essays published on Instagram and through The Beautiful Soul platform often feel like hidden stage monologues, fragments of dialogue, or subtle theatrical directions waiting to be brought to life.

Her artistic language is shaped by several distinctive qualities.

The first is intimacy. In many ways, she creates in the spirit of the eighteenth-century salon tradition, where meaningful conversation was valued above spectacle. Her work does not seem destined for vast commercial stages, but rather for intimate spaces where the boundary between performer and audience gradually disappears.

The second is interdisciplinarity. Her writing naturally invites movement, contemplative dance, and music into its world. This is reflected in collaborations with artists such as Sophie from She Moves with Soul, where words, gesture, and emotion become part of a shared artistic experience.

For Agnes Prokop, art appears to be more than expression alone. It becomes a space for reflection, healing, and human connection.

Act IV – A New Chapter

The Book and a Return to the Stage

Today, her creative journey appears to stand at a significant turning point.

The experiences accumulated throughout her life — her move to the British Isles, her reflections on maturity, and years devoted to artistic and personal development — seem to be converging into two parallel projects.

One is the creation of an English-language book, a natural extension of the themes that have shaped her writing for years.

The other is the development of a new theatrical work, hinted at through the phrase #backtoplay — a quiet yet unmistakable suggestion that the stage is once again calling her back.

Rather than a return to the past, this feels like the beginning of a new artistic chapter, one enriched by experience, reflection, and a deeper understanding of what it means to connect with others through words.

In Essence

Agnes Prokop's work is a literary and theatrical exploration of inner peace and the beauty of the human soul, expressed through intimate English-language reflections that invite the reader to pause, reconnect with themselves, and find a moment of stillness in an increasingly hurried world.

Post Scriptum

I have never met Agnes Prokop.

Everything I have written here is based solely on her words, her artistic presence, and the impression left by her work.

And perhaps that is the most remarkable thing of all: that a person can become familiar to us not through personal acquaintance, but through the sincerity with which they reveal themselves in what they create.

— A Reader

Brian
a year ago

This site changed my perspective on some things.